She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
