I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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