There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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