he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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