...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
sex in a hospital.. check
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
