I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
