if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize