I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
