i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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