he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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