1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
