How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
