i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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