Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
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we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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