he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A+ Viking dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
