He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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