he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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