Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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