It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
