I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
