Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
