If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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