His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
