We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
