Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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