I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
