Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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