wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
