I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize