where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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