you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
