I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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