he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Randomize
