Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
not ubering you a puppy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
