so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
