I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
