I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
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Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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