I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
