It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize