Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
