just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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