I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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