he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
