do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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