My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
