yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
