I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
