I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
