Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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