maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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