The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
