Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
