Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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