I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
