Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
