I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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