Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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