He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
