Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
