it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
