and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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