You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
