My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
