My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Randomize
