Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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