she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
