I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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