My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
