I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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